Thursday, June 22, 2017

Terminal Impunity




picture credit: unknown





I do still miss you so,
entrenched as you are,
a warm memory of sunny days
when you flowed through my veins,
recklessly tearing through my consciousness
and we flew with a fire in our eyes,
without caution, without advisement,
in a daze of self-gratification,
left everything behind,
even myself.












Wednesday, June 14, 2017

...nothing is ever guaranteed.




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/495184921498369718/



When you are with light-minded people, their freedom rubs off on you and infects you, you are unrestricted, with purity of purpose to live your life. You are given the courage to do things differently, live a life your parents never could, who followed the expectations of their elders, followed the rules of an outdated book. Learn from history, don’t blindly follow, and question everything Establishment has ever taught you.…… the world is a changed place yet the rules on how to live have not, how can that be?

You are still outside the box, look before you willingly enslave your limbs, your dreams and your soul.  Lies are indecipherable from truths, published by a network created to direct your thoughts, infiltrate your being, corrupt your reason and turn you into a worker bee without a voice, without a sting, you pose no threat.  

So do not decide lightly, do not decide to please another, the scenery stays the same with or without their approval.  And please remember, there will always be doubts, places look vastly different when imagination translates into reality, and nothing is ever guaranteed, who would it hurt if you (don't) try......





Monday, June 12, 2017

Phoenix Rising




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900128771139/



The void was in me before I took the first drop of poison promising to relieve it all
The pain of denial, pretense, of living a lie enforced by the fear of abandonment, when abandonment would in all likelihood have set me free
The cold in the space where love should’ve been, the twisted ways I chose to love and be loved
The methodical approach to finding, then experiencing it all, everything, at least once
The knowing I’m holding a loaded gun to my head yet continue, dauntlessly challenging the universe
The moments I desperately long to have back, the time I have wasted wallowing and believing everything ever said to me, instead of believing my intuition, what I know to be my purpose
The knowing I am more, more than I’ve been told I can, more than what I have, more than you, a knowledge without language no words can explain, which roar through the silence, how can everyone not hear them?
I am empty, cold, have only me to offer, I give up, surrender, do with me what you wish, I can no longer feel the pain you’re (sub)consciously inflicting on me. I’m filled with sorrow, for the lost hours and friendships, wasted conversations and pointless exploits, the only echo left, the sighs of dying embers
Into a million indiscernible particles I am scattered, and the silence of the void is filled with acceptance and love, patience and belief, tolerance and indulgence, rebuilt into someone who looks like me, but who’s outgrown all and every power ever wielded over me, feel me if you dare to feel the light




Sunday, June 11, 2017

Free me




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/214976582182967524/


  
Free me from there where I’ve been
Free me from the bonds within
Release me from these unwanted obsessions
Expunge the learned prescribed transcriptions
Free me from these eternal contradictions.




Friday, June 9, 2017

The State I'm In



picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/573646071272708469/

  



I cannot do this. I cannot be a pivotal factor in the course of another’s life.
 I would forever carry the repercussions as my personal responsibility,
I’d be a traitor to truths we shared before things changed,
disturbed my balance, became intrusive, unflinchingly persistent,
and even though I know your reactions to be from the heart,
the chameleon in you frustrates me, I can’t keep up these walls all the time,
I must separate myself from your physicality, knowing I will miss you.
Now is what is, be in it, own it, direct the course, it's your own choosing,
decide, look towards answers, assess without emotions the means of getting there.
If you’re lucky you’ll be able tie them with your string of dreams,
if not it will hurt, do you see the position I now find myself in?







Saturday, June 3, 2017

Let's pretend...



picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900131054726/



Let’s pretend it didn’t happen
let's pretend I didn’t hear
I’ll pretend I believe you
and pretend that you love me
I’ll pretend it was a song
pretend everything is okay
and we can pretend to live happily ever after…




Friday, June 2, 2017

It is only at night



picture source: http://ponderation.net/post/123904434897/lmmortalgod-midnight-highway




It is only at night
when the sky is dark
and all is asleep,
when dreams sweep through starry skies
and the energy of the earth and the moon sings through me,
it's only then I feel peace inside….



Sunday, May 28, 2017

In The Cold of This Here Morning





I could take this car and go, speeding recklessly down highways, never stop, to get away from what? This pain overwhelms, cripples my thoughts, restricts my movements, and I cannot determine the source of it.  I’ve berated myself for being self-indulgent, ungrateful, feeding my ego, living in yesterday, wishing for tomorrow.  I feel nothing, not love, not hate, not hope, just empty and cold and alone.  I have faked smiles, I’ve given, encouraged, put a light on in another’s darkness. I’ve watched your response, doubtfully hopeful, hesitant, but I’ve been gifted too with your smile.  At the streetlight I stop, colours catch my eye, green pines, orange bright, crisp blue rays, the song from the speakers swims through me. A bird swoops, red turns green and the grime in the gutters reappears, the beggars and impatient cars stream into my vision, the holes in the tarmac drawing me to the decay, showing me the rotten humanity, I cannot face anymore, this focus on my dissatisfaction, rebellion, trapped and held by my own mind, I cannot muster a selfless response, knowing is no longer enough. In these dead-end surroundings, amongst the harshness of poverty, pointless existence steals the pleasure previously felt. Hopeless, dreary, destructive, self-destructive, I must get through another day and you ask me why I am crying?





Thursday, May 25, 2017

Life's little contemplations





picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900137404664/




There’s nothing light about breaching the borders,
it is chaotic, destructive and dark,
it’s seeing the cruelty hidden behind artful facades,
feeling naked malice, intent and betrayal,
it means facing your beliefs, your fears, your deepest memories,
staring them in the face until you can see past their proximity,
giving you the courage to free yourself, lift yourself beyond
the grasp of the makers of this make-believe called ‘life’.





Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The passing of a season




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/AfOgN9EqY6GWZ7OoHkK0Pr1t2Z-Wv_RL3rwB7nBJ1jGHq6P17e6RkUk/




so here it is, the passing of a season,
past, lost afternoons in warm rays of laughter
words breathed to the rhythm of dreams
leading skin and spirit to peaceful convergence
yesterday echoes with the rolling waves.






Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Through the Looking Glass




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/411164640952849258/


I have tried but I can’t look past the blatant disparities I see passing before my eyes, the disjointed assembly of like-minded(?) souls intent on a self-defeating journey to obliteration and oblivion of themselves and my world.

 I have tried to flout failing laws designed to direct your thoughts and songs into the arms of another’s god, an entity of fearsome might and darkness who will lead you to nothing but isolation and desolation.

 I walk the hallways at 3am guided by touch and faith in the ground on which I tread with my bare feet, my mind filled with the essence of stillness, feel these waves rolling through me, I see dreams beyond your doubts, the way past your every why, a clarity revived by the breath of night carries me into dawns light with a smile to brighten, words to enlighten, I know, I just know! there is something better out there for us.




Monday, May 15, 2017

...so many things!!!




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/211174955762146/



There are so many things running through my head; things to start, to end, to practice, to plan, to let go, to experience, to grasp, to anticipate, to groan at, to dislike, to love, to deny, to admit, to fulfil, to turn away from, to confront, to reach out to, to touch, to feel, to own, to be……




Sunday, May 14, 2017

There are no Boundaries




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/452471093794268638/


  


It is my fear I feel
my tears which flow
burn through my vision
tear through me……
 precisely because it is my fear
paves as just this direction
 I accept your pain
being burnt by your fire
cut by your knife
the toxins you release through me
 your destruction will set me free
allow me to transcend these boundaries
not meant for me to observe.







Thursday, May 4, 2017

......some more Things I Wonder About





picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/416583034253186953/



You say you don’t want to change me,
you ask me to modulate my voice,
you affirm acceptance of who I am,
you reflect displeasure at my exuberance,
you claim immunity to the judgments of others,
you push me away with ‘there’s a time and place for everything’,
you express forgiveness for all my sins,
you silence me with the charge of living in the past.





Monday, May 1, 2017

Things I Wonder About





picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/457185799644514332/


  
I still wonder what made her hesitate that day,
the thought processes at play in her mind,
why did she stare at the billowing curtains
was if reading a message unseen to all eyes but hers,
was she deliberating her decision,
playing through each possible outcome,
were they all the same or was one separate,
was the tremor in her hands well-placed excitement,
or did she hesitate that day out of fear?





Friday, April 28, 2017

My Season






The once innocent in me
didn’t know I’d lost the key
in an emptiness that seeked
highs and lows that dove and peeked,
I was led into a prison,
choices made, I didn’t listen,
didn’t understand the frisson,
couldn’t see what I was given.

But the answers live in me,
understands this misery,
shed my tears so I could be,
I accept what I now see,
with love, so has been written,
give yourself to fill what’s missing,
what I see is not illusion,
it is meant, it is my season.





Thursday, April 20, 2017

The Delicate Equilibrium



picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/317714948692088565/





The battle within me has never ceased,
my wounds lash out, the innocents receive,
tempting demons I know can destroy my heart,
live the lies on my skin, carved by you in the dark.

I’ve seen the truth when freed from your lies,
felt laughter as it flew, changed light dark skies,
lived my dream, it may seem, were it not the truth,
side-by-side, pain and pleasure, within, they me rule.
















Thursday, April 13, 2017

In the Fog of Absent Minds




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900134671289/



hidden pathways overgrown in the fog of absent minds
forgotten ways to a hallowed space sealed in by secret’s kiss
bound to the other’s presence, locked into intimacy
burned for, patiently waited for, to finally be fulfilled.






Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Dream.





  
Dream, my son, and dream big,
look beyond the boundaries of the impossible,
do not bow to the critique of dubious voices,
erase the lines drawn by previous generations,
don’t take today’s rules into tomorrow.

If you see it in your dreams you can create it in your waking world,
let instinct be your guide, let your heart be the judge,
write your book in the silence proffered by the midnight moon,
then step into freedom and let your life attest to the truth,
there’s more out there, another way, another life rewarding,
nothing endures forever, be a part of the wave growing all around you.



Thursday, March 16, 2017

Under silver clouds reaching down......




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/494129390339069163/



Under silver clouds reaching down, I stand before you,
this is who I am, all revealed for you to see,
for you to receive my gifts of light and darkness,
my visions, energy and passion,
every truth I believe in, exposed for your inspection.

I accept you as you are,
I grant you my trust, my self, my love,
treat me gently as you lead me, I will follow your direction,
let us walk the path divine, rain on me your all devotion.




Saturday, March 11, 2017

Lonely House



picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/140315344621126069/


In an ordinary street stands a square double-storey house in the centre of a large piece of ground.  It’s surrounded by tall proud pines that sing in the wind and fill the air with their clear green presence.  A low stone wall braces an ancient mesh gate standing slightly ajar, random stones leading to the steps of a deep veranda.  She has seen this house many times before, never seen a soul in the wild garden, not a car, sometimes a cat sunned itself on the wall.

She didn’t know why she entered here, late this Friday night.  She didn’t know who would answer the door, or what she would say, but the light of the moon propelled her forward without thought, without fear.  Her footsteps made no sound as she crossed the polished red cement to the front door.  Her knock was soft but self-assured, not a tremble in her hands as she waited, then she lifted her hand once more and turned the brass doorknob.  Unlocked, the door swung open in a silent rush.

Soundlessly she stepped inside into a seemingly empty space.  A large threadbare Persian formed an island on the wooden floors, on the mantelpiece above a fireplace three candles flickered, casting a warm glow.  Long lace curtains floated with the breeze, moonlight dancing with shadows shy in the ballroom, their midnight dance.

She absorbed the room, her eyes searched the dark corners, a wingback chair over there, a guitar leaning against the armrest, a low table with an empty glass, a dirty ashtray and silence, the deep slow breathing of a sleeping house.

She moved toward the back of the house, past a half-closed door, a bathroom, into the kitchen, wooden tops, table and chairs, the back door standing open, it always stands open.  Turning back she went up the stairs running her hand over the warm smooth banister, following her instinct, as if she knew what she would find.  The smell is the same, the energy familiar, even the rhythm of her heartbeat is in sync with the breath of a motionless form on a bed half hidden from the shimmering stars.

“……it’s been 5 years,” says a voice from the past, again the silence, the sound of a distant car, “I have seen you, walking past….. sometimes you slowed and looked up to this window…… you never stopped.  I always wondered what you were thinking, why did you look, what did you look for.  And when you walked past I wondered when you would stop, knock on my door, 5 years….. why did you come here now?”

And still there's only silence, stretching time out of proportion, a deep, deep sigh fills the air as she turns over in her sleep.





Thursday, March 9, 2017

There are days......






  
  There are days I need the solitude of an empty home, devoid of people, sound and demands, when I only need the wind flowing in from over the ocean to brush its cool fingers across my skin.

  There are days you cannot hear me sing over the thunderous rock music of the 60’s, as the drumsticks in my hands pound out their rhythm beating in my veins.

  There are days I must submit, a total surrender to my hedonistic inclinations, when you can play with my desires as freely as the wind draws on the canvas of my limbs.

  There are days I must immerse myself in the select company of those with comparable thoughts, similar energy and insight, get lost in conversation, coffee and laughter in the too-rarely felt timeless state of well-being.

  Then there are days when the all-familiar shadows draw near, drowning hope and redemption, a drenching mist leaving nothing I see or feel untouched,

  and there are days I need to be the silent observer at the edge of your consciousness, reading your words, inflections, your movements, strength and need.

  Some days I’m at peace in this world I know I can change, some days the wounds are too deep and my life drains away.




Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Mindful





picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900126133320/



Wicked spirits are active in my thinking this day,
advocating reckless decisions,
stimulating greed and self-indulgence,
the tempting feast of impulsive behaviour,
with the knife of discontent firmly twisted in my need.





Friday, March 3, 2017

It is very simple. Actually.





picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/310185493068333762/







I’ve been a fool for so very long,
sharing counsel whilst disregarding mine,
the signals are clear this time,
revealed to me they have twice (make that 3),
in this moment to live, my instinct, in what I believe.















Monday, February 27, 2017

He belongs to the world


picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/374854368970753134/



He belongs to the trees standing tall in the breeze
singing a melody while they gently sway,
he belongs to the roots with open arms who embrace
the ground with their wisdom passed through the ages,
he belongs to air chasing clouds in the blue, blue sky
to feed your soul as you breathe in life,
and he belongs to the moon and stars scatt’ring dreams
bright with love and promise so you peacefully can sleep.

He belongs to the world, he was never mind to keep,
he belongs to all that’s open, past the boundaries and restrictions,
to possibilities bounding out before us,
to a dawn greeted with smiling anticipation
and the nightfall heralds a moonlit dance
across the soft cooling sea sand,
your freedom soothes the softly falling rain in the valley,
leaves a shimmer on the ground...


Sunday, February 26, 2017

Every thing is a choice



picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900133387935/\




Every thing is a choice, to accept or decline, to remember or forget.  
It is our choice to feed the line or to wander through silent forests, it’s our decision to follow the expected purpose of your forefathers, to accept their ways to be the one, the correct one, to follow.  
It is our choice to accept their words, to open ourselves to their knowledge and heed their warnings, but it is up to only us to decide how to integrate these with our innate being so we can still release the spirit of our creativity, intuition and magic and to live these possibilities, show others there are different ways to traverse these shores.  
Who knows, you may inspire someone to also fly free to their dreams the way you do.









Friday, February 24, 2017

Hell is Real



picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900131342359/


Today I would give anything to drown in a mind-numbing fog where I can’t feel, no one can reach me, where nothing matters and tomorrow never comes.
But even that is gone, an unviable solution taken by the passage of time, denied by the knowing there is no escape, no temporary relief, and the only place I’ll find lasting peace is inside my self, if I would just open the goddamn door…



Monday, February 13, 2017

The Equation



picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900133301831/


  
We are sinners, there’s no hope we’ll survive
every heartbeat inflames the need deep alive
it leads us and drives us together ever faster
without much concern to the hereon ever after

Thus we’re tied to the ground cannot touch the sky
feed our illusions without which we will die
self-destruct with a force unimagined pain and pleasure
on this edge here we stand while we’re loosening the tether

May we fall, may we wallow, may we find that what we need
May the prize be worthy treasure one so desp’rately we seek
May we feed our souls not starve it become empty and deplete
May the choices that we make leave us sated and replete




Friday, February 10, 2017

February's Full Moon





picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/375909900131799585/


   
That mind defying numbness, the inability to find a place where you belong, the closing of your throat with feelings you cannot explain, the urge to claw out of your skin to escape the desperation inside you, comes from denying who you are, from what you know but disregard.  This is the other dimension, open before you, demanding to be seen, felt, believed, allow it in. In this full moon tonight let your self free, still the restless need, express and celebrate your gifts and for the first time in your life, take a breath of life.



Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Justice above Obedience




picture source: https://za.pinterest.com/pin/356628864216315180/



I urge you, rid yourselves of needless things meant to keep you in check, to leave you wanting, stop the pointless amassing of etchings on dead trees, prove your worth by the dirt that is stuck to your knees, question rhymes as now are written, straight-jackets issued as they deemed fitting, dictating the pace it’s my hours they waste, and we wait in line, broken in by their ways.

The sweat on my brow is not mine to own, every dream is bent to the rules they control, they erase our tomorrow, give us no chance to start, feed us lies for our silence, to appease our bleeding heart.

Obedient followers, we do as we’re told, by the rulers, the laws, from our home and father’s old, but I’m no longer proud of the land in which I live, when all they do is take, while it’s me who’s left to give.

Many have died as they wait for change to happen,
if we all say ‘No’ who are they to say ‘Yes’,
move as one and we will change this direction.

We were born in this system, but can choose to die free.