Saturday, June 24, 2017

For him who flew the nest

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You don’t know what it feels like to have a home, but know you cannot return…

It is easy to say something while you have it, you think differently when your base has been removed,
your choices are different, your thinking is different, you are different when coming from a point of security to that of uncertainty, the unknown.

This knowing you have what you have inherently gives you a confidence, an ability to take chances, the edge, bravado, to march forth unthinking,
knowing there is nothing to catch you when you fall, slices through the options before you and directs you onto a completely different path.

And that, that is something you only understand once it happens, once you live these moments.

And I cry for you for the time, the first time you will feel this, and I pray you’ll be strong enough to know what you need to do to prevent yourself from self-destructing.

You’ll be in a foreign land, without familiar places and familiar sound, watching the touches between people who’ve known each other for a long time, see the hugs and kisses passed between family members in greeting or in parting, the footsteps, see them walking towards a definitive destination, within known boundaries, familiar time spans, familiar rules.

You will long for your home ground, the streets you walked as a child, a growing adult, you will wish for the faces you passed daily, even the ones you chose to duck behind a hedge to avoid, you will long for the annoying demands of meeting timeframes you thought suffocating, the hugs you found smothering, the words you did not want to hear, the voices you did not want to hear, even the annoying bark of the dog next door and the ticking clock at midnight in the kitchen of the house you grew up in...

.....I pray for gentle waves while you learn the ways of the world out there.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Terminal Impunity

picture credit: unknown

I do still miss you so,
entrenched as you are,
a warm memory of sunny days
when you flowed through my veins,
recklessly tearing through my consciousness
and we flew with a fire in our eyes,
without caution, without advisement,
in a daze of self-gratification,
left everything behind,
even myself.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

...nothing is ever guaranteed.

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When you are with light-minded people, their freedom rubs off on you and infects you, you are unrestricted, with purity of purpose to live your life. You are given the courage to do things differently, live a life your parents never could, who followed the expectations of their elders, followed the rules of an outdated book. Learn from history, don’t blindly follow, and question everything Establishment has ever taught you.…… the world is a changed place yet the rules on how to live have not, how can that be?

You are still outside the box, look before you willingly enslave your limbs, your dreams and your soul.  Lies are indecipherable from truths, published by a network created to direct your thoughts, infiltrate your being, corrupt your reason and turn you into a worker bee without a voice, without a sting, you pose no threat.  

So do not decide lightly, do not decide to please another, the scenery stays the same with or without their approval.  And please remember, there will always be doubts, places look vastly different when imagination translates into reality, and nothing is ever guaranteed, who would it hurt if you (don't) try......

Monday, June 12, 2017

Phoenix Rising

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The void was in me before I took the first drop of poison promising to relieve it all
The pain of denial, pretense, of living a lie enforced by the fear of abandonment, when abandonment would in all likelihood have set me free
The cold in the space where love should’ve been, the twisted ways I chose to love and be loved
The methodical approach to finding, then experiencing it all, everything, at least once
The knowing I’m holding a loaded gun to my head yet continue, dauntlessly challenging the universe
The moments I desperately long to have back, the time I have wasted wallowing and believing everything ever said to me, instead of believing my intuition, what I know to be my purpose
The knowing I am more, more than I’ve been told I can, more than what I have, more than you, a knowledge without language no words can explain, which roar through the silence, how can everyone not hear them?
I am empty, cold, have only me to offer, I give up, surrender, do with me what you wish, I can no longer feel the pain you’re (sub)consciously inflicting on me. I’m filled with sorrow, for the lost hours and friendships, wasted conversations and pointless exploits, the only echo left, the sighs of dying embers
Into a million indiscernible particles I am scattered, and the silence of the void is filled with acceptance and love, patience and belief, tolerance and indulgence, rebuilt into someone who looks like me, but who’s outgrown all and every power ever wielded over me, feel me if you dare to feel the light

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Free me

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Free me from there where I’ve been
Free me from the bonds within
Release me from these unwanted obsessions
Expunge the learned prescribed transcriptions
Free me from these eternal contradictions.

Friday, June 9, 2017

The State I'm In

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I cannot do this. I cannot be a pivotal factor in the course of another’s life.
 I would forever carry the repercussions as my personal responsibility,
I’d be a traitor to truths we shared before things changed,
disturbed my balance, became intrusive, unflinchingly persistent,
and even though I know your reactions to be from the heart,
the chameleon in you frustrates me, I can’t keep up these walls all the time,
I must separate myself from your physicality, knowing I will miss you.
Now is what is, be in it, own it, direct the course, it's your own choosing,
decide, look towards answers, assess without emotions the means of getting there.
If you’re lucky you’ll be able tie them with your string of dreams,
if not it will hurt, do you see the position I now find myself in?

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Let's pretend...

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Let’s pretend it didn’t happen
let's pretend I didn’t hear
I’ll pretend I believe you
and pretend that you love me
I’ll pretend it was a song
pretend everything is okay
and we can pretend to live happily ever after…

Friday, June 2, 2017

It is only at night

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It is only at night
when the sky is dark
and all is asleep,
when dreams sweep through starry skies
and the energy of the earth and the moon sings through me,
it's only then I feel peace inside….