How do you engineer an act of blind faith and trust
when faith cannot be attested to and trust is often broken,
how, when you can see the blood, the fear, the pain flowing from every cell,
shed tears of sadness for missed days, hours, a childhood,
for the love of parents never felt,
for the cuts from the ones meant to protect us,
for the tears swallowed and blinked away,
trying to be strong, trying to be brave, faking it, what for?
I’ve only hurt myself, the scars and bruises my doing,
because everything I did and do, was and is my choice,
I am the doer, the sayer, the slayer,
there's an origin to this misshapen thinking and reacting
but I am the one answerable, and in my hands lie too
the ability to forgive, to lessen its importance, lessen its impact,
to open up another way for me to experience meaning, true love and joy.