Sunday, May 28, 2017

In The Cold of This Here Morning

I could take this car and go, speeding recklessly down highways, never stop, to get away from what? This pain overwhelms, cripples my thoughts, restricts my movements, and I cannot determine the source of it.  I’ve berated myself for being self-indulgent, ungrateful, feeding my ego, living in yesterday, wishing for tomorrow.  I feel nothing, not love, not hate, not hope, just empty and cold and alone.  I have faked smiles, I’ve given, encouraged, put a light on in another’s darkness. I’ve watched your response, doubtfully hopeful, hesitant, but I’ve been gifted too with your smile.  At the streetlight I stop, colours catch my eye, green pines, orange bright, crisp blue rays, the song from the speakers swims through me. A bird swoops, red turns green and the grime in the gutters reappears, the beggars and impatient cars stream into my vision, the holes in the tarmac drawing me to the decay, showing me the rotten humanity, I cannot face anymore, this focus on my dissatisfaction, rebellion, trapped and held by my own mind, I cannot muster a selfless response, knowing is no longer enough. In these dead-end surroundings, amongst the harshness of poverty, pointless existence steals the pleasure previously felt. Hopeless, dreary, destructive, self-destructive, I must get through another day and you ask me why I am crying?

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Life's little contemplations

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There’s nothing light about breaching the borders,
it is chaotic, destructive and dark,
it’s seeing the cruelty hidden behind artful facades,
feeling naked malice, intent and betrayal,
it means facing your beliefs, your fears, your deepest memories,
staring them in the face until you can see past their proximity,
giving you the courage to free yourself, lift yourself beyond
the grasp of the makers of this make-believe called ‘life’.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The passing of a season

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so here it is, the passing of a season,
past, lost afternoons in warm rays of laughter
words breathed to the rhythm of dreams
leading skin and spirit to peaceful convergence
yesterday echoes with the rolling waves.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Through the Looking Glass

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I have tried but I can’t look past the blatant disparities I see passing before my eyes, the disjointed assembly of like-minded(?) souls intent on a self-defeating journey to obliteration and oblivion of themselves and my world.

 I have tried to flout failing laws designed to direct your thoughts and songs into the arms of another’s god, an entity of fearsome might and darkness who will lead you to nothing but isolation and desolation.

 I walk the hallways at 3am guided by touch and faith in the ground on which I tread with my bare feet, my mind filled with the essence of stillness, feel these waves rolling through me, I see dreams beyond your doubts, the way past your every why, a clarity revived by the breath of night carries me into dawns light with a smile to brighten, words to enlighten, I know, I just know! there is something better out there for us.

Monday, May 15, 2017 many things!!!

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There are so many things running through my head; things to start, to end, to practice, to plan, to let go, to experience, to grasp, to anticipate, to groan at, to dislike, to love, to deny, to admit, to fulfil, to turn away from, to confront, to reach out to, to touch, to feel, to own, to be……

Sunday, May 14, 2017

There are no Boundaries

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It is my fear I feel
my tears which flow
burn through my vision
tear through me……
 precisely because it is my fear
paves as just this direction
 I accept your pain
being burnt by your fire
cut by your knife
the toxins you release through me
 your destruction will set me free
allow me to transcend these boundaries
not meant for me to observe.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

......some more Things I Wonder About

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You say you don’t want to change me,
you ask me to modulate my voice,
you affirm acceptance of who I am,
you reflect displeasure at my exuberance,
you claim immunity to the judgments of others,
you push me away with ‘there’s a time and place for everything’,
you express forgiveness for all my sins,
you silence me with the charge of living in the past.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Things I Wonder About

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I still wonder what made her hesitate that day,
the thought processes at play in her mind,
why did she stare at the billowing curtains
was if reading a message unseen to all eyes but hers,
was she deliberating her decision,
playing through each possible outcome,
were they all the same or was one separate,
was the tremor in her hands well-placed excitement,
or did she hesitate that day out of fear?