Saturday, April 3, 2021

There is no going back



My heart embraces everything you have sent reeling though me

and my soul sings a song the waking mind cannot comprehend,

which draws me back into myself, where I am silent, empty.

So I look for solace in the shadows of the night

where I can console my breaking self in the forest

that swallows the howls of the wolf streaking through the darkness,

whilst being fed by the light of the silver rays of the full moon,

awakening the wild, wild ways that come naturally and uninhibited,

even as I try to outrun your voice, your words

echoing from the distance, speaking to those parts of you

still alive in me, that keep pulling me back, that keep calling me.

Today I am strong, today I see your falsehoods, your devious ways

cloaked in gilded chains, the desolation of a future with you,

I hear the lies I tell myself to fill the longing, the emptiness,

that takes me to when you ruled, my world, my reason, me.

There is no going back, there is nothing to go back to,

limbo is a permanence, the once most uncomfortable space

now less so, no longer as threatening, no longer impossible.

I’m finding my way, slowly, day by day, this solitude a balm,

allow flow, through me and going along, not yesterday, not tomorrow,

only now, not an easy place to be, short-lived and already gone,

but so peaceful, so calm, so trouble-fee, so alive, so beautiful, so real,

and this is where I wish to be, to stay, always….


Tuesday, January 5, 2021

The New (ab)Normal



Every so often, when this new abnormal becomes unbearable,

I feel the urge to do something familiar, something known, something that used to provide pleasure,

and I head out with my husband or a friend into the mild, sunny day to have scones and tea in a country coffee shop.


I try to emulate past behaviours by revisiting old haunts and travelling familiar roads

yet the enjoyment evaporates with every mask I see walking along the road,

with every ‘no mask, no entry’ sign,

with the hesitance of strangers to even engage in conversation with someone they do not know,


the sun loses its warmth,

the air becomes thick and unbreathable when I see a child behind a mask,

and the scenic valley only evokes sadness when the comparison between the beauty around us and the evil committed against humanity becomes a stark reminder of the oppression imposed on us,


hope dissolves when I think of my 25-year old son who has his life ahead of him,

under what conditions????? under who’s rule????? to what end?????


The vaccination is a line I will not cross, I have lived, for that I’m grateful,

our children have not!


The unfairness of this all, this dehumanising of humankind,

the subjugation of having to wear a mask that must be endured,

the shutting down of societies ways, relinquishing human contact,

the removal of freedom of movement, freedom of thought, freedom of speech, every freedom you can think of!!!!


tears me up inside, because the tunnel is so, so very dark,

resistance is meagre, the fight ahead a vital one, one I hope will come,


because I would rather go out fighting than become a slave to a bunch of delusional egomaniacs,

who believe themselves elevated above the rest of humanity and governments,

who are themselves slaves to the $ and to power,

their minds tainted with insanity,

who feel they have the right to mould this plane to their specifications,

who believe themselves to be gods.


No, my sadness is inherent, as is my fighting spirit,

and I pray for courage for the day which will surely come

when I will stand face to face with evil,


may I be bold enough to speak my truth,

brave enough to stand by my belief

and strong enough to do what is necessary.


Thursday, December 31, 2020

31 December 2020


 The last day of the year and my heart is filled with sadness,

sadness for the madness prevailing on this plane,

sadness for the masses knowingly or unknowingly deceived,

sadness for the anger directed at the wrong people,

sadness for the lack of empathy that exists,

sadness for the callous nature in which humanity is being persecuted,

sadness for those living unnecessarily in fear,

sadness for those who have no hope,

sadness for those who don’t see a future,

sadness for the misdirected,

sadness for the broken,

sadness for the lost,

sadness for a time gone by, never to return,

sadness for the loss of freedom,

sadness for the loss of joy,

sadness for the anger trapped in so, so many people,

sadness for the lonely,

sadness for the isolated,

sadness for memories that feel like a fairy tale,

sadness for the youth who have to live this out,

sadness for the elderly whose entire reality has been removed,

sadness for the loss of love,



…and I pray the love and joy still alive

will overtake and consume all the evil, the darkness, the threats, the deception,

and may the devil take his own and depart from my reality, and this plane, forever.



Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Holding On



There is this knowing, an awareness almost inherent,

a feeling of, it has always been, maybe silent, but never away,

wrecking havoc on me, yanking me this way then that,

feelings my body has not forgotten, images alive in my mind,

I can taste the fresh air, I can taste the freedom,

it was never meant to be another way, this is contrary,

I’m holding on, we have always been, holding on is what we do well.


Thursday, December 3, 2020

Worlds beyond our World


 Nights are still the most peaceful place to dwell in,

the silence of a soft rustling in the hedge, a hooting owl, in the far-off distance a barking dog,

the darkness of the brightly sparkling stars, dimming as night by night the moon is growing,

the perfection of lack of sight opening your vision to worlds beyond ours,

to dreams in magnificent colour and detail you can taste them, smell them,

you want them so badly, a slight tilt would topple you into the unknown and steal your soul forever

and all you’d leave behind were the footprints on the paths you walked

and the tears shed by those who were true to you, shared your life, loved you,

yes, I would not hesitate to fall into that unknown, the fa├žade of this world has crumbled

and I can bear no more the degradation, destruction, dissolution, maliciousness and greed

that rules this plane, and what I see to be possible, underscores the depth of your deception,

and is also the starting point of your demise.


Monday, November 30, 2020

The Top of the Food Chain



I don’t want to think about this world anymore,

everyone lets someone down,

each is a threat to the other,

tainted with fear and uncertainty, no word is true,

no action is pure, no deed is done out of love.


I look out over the ocean and wish I were a dolphin,

no thing can corrupt its mind,

no body can lock it down,

freedom just is because restrictions do not exist,

do not cloud the mind, do not follow anything but joy.


I watch the wind arc the branches of tall, tall trees,

grown strong through gales,

roots deep to anchor itself,

giving shade to worthy and unworthy alike,

providing shelter to critters and creatures, unendingly,


yet we call ourselves the top of the food chain????


Saturday, June 20, 2020


I walk through fresh air and sunshine, not a care in the world, it’s a weekend afternoon after all,
children are running across lawns and fields all energy, excited voices and boisterous laughter,
a cat is sitting on a tree stump sunning itself, tail swishing lazily back and forth, disinterested gaze,
the ocean in the distance is calm, currents drawing streaks in all varieties of blue, 
the horizon flat and beckoning, whilst the mountains majestically guard this valley,
a silent solid strength crystal clear against the winter blue sky, so much life, so much tranquillity, so much natural joy and beauty……

……spoilt by the masks I see, incomprehensible, as these are healthy people wandering about,
folk living in a fear that hasn’t reached or touched them or their loved ones directly yet has destroyed and completely changed their neighbourhood, their community, their way of life.
Think for a moment, if information wasn’t spilling lies into our heads and heart as easily as it is, through our phone, tab, television, social media, if people still reacted to what they faced and witnessed instead of what they were told, enhanced by stage acts shot in our streets, this lie would never have perpetuated to this point where the citizens of this world are held prisoners in their home, have become fearful of touch, even from their loved ones, are held hostage by their governments, where, when we obey, we may be rewarded with our God given right to (their selected) freedom of movement and association…..

……and looking at what I see before me, today should be another perfectly peaceful day in paradise, without strife, without worry, without threats, without fear, today should be a perfect slide into a trouble-free, love-filled Saturday night, how can we allow them to take this away from us?!?!?!?

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

I pray


I passed a vagrant, a wanderer, this afternoon,

who took off his hat and dropped his walking stick,

sank down on his knees before my pup,

slowly reached out and held his hand for her to sniff

cooing gentle words to her, seemingly oblivious of my presence,

focussing on her soft coat, wagging tail and gentle eyes,

and I could feel his need for a hug, for warmth, softness,

emanating right through me, a wave of such sadness

and longing, for love, of loss, of what is…

A pup can feel the need for touch, freely give a hug

while comforting an aching soul,

how is it that humans have lost that compassion for one another?

My heart aches for this world, for the lonely, fear-filled people,

for those without hope, of which there are many,

for those without a tomorrow, there are more and more each day,

for those who don’t have anyone to turn to, who do not understand,

and I pray God gives them comfort in His own special way.