Friday, January 18, 2019

Disillusion







 It reaches hard and deep, a searing hot flame without an end, burning every fibre that is me,
striking again and again, a fierce determination hell-bent on a fiery destruction of all-consuming proportions not even the coldest, darkest oceans could quell, this longing to escape from this plane.

I am tired, tired of life, of the falsehoods, untruths, dishonour, despair, loss, dishonesty, cruelty, degradation, subjugation, futility, hopelessness, dire need, callous betrayal, faithlessness. I no longer wish to recite my lines, follow the directions given, read the script as if it were my choosing. I no longer wish to see the steady decline from beauty into disrepair, from flourishing to withering away, from growth and happiness to stagnation and addiction.

I feel the shifting of sanity, subtle bypassed to unashamedly evident, that the world is a stage and we are the players, slaves who pretend nothing is wrong, who anaesthetise our senses and our sight to the dissolution of society, of ourselves, of everything that’s right, there’s no respect in a dying man begging for his daily piece of poison.





Sunday, January 13, 2019

What is the purpose behind this thing called Life








From where hails this hopelessness,
this purposelessness that’s surrounds me,
the futility fettered to every action, plan and deed?

There has to be something more than merely passing through each beautiful day,
embracing every luxury and beauty available in this sanctuary we have created,
enjoying the privileges and abundance with which we’ve been graced,
in accordance to a belief sculpted by time.

A belief favouring the instinctive, the things which move something inside, the goodness that is to be found in each moment, and many such moments freely and spontaneously present themselves in your every wakened hours,

and I heed these things, I note all the gifts before me, I stop, look deeply, breathe in the variety of scents in the air, feel the tickle of the wind in my hair, the heat of the sun on my skin, the soulful eyes of the creatures in my care, the love of a fellow human being,

yet I cannot shake the gloom disturbing my rhythm, causing me to stumble over level ground,
wielding old dissatisfactions which my belief no longer supports, ties my tongue when words should flow easily, plays tricks with the shadows presenting threats that don’t exist, facts quite clearly fake, and images aimed at incinerate my sanity…

from whence does this darkness stem,
what’s the purpose behind this eternal night,
could someone tell me please the reason behind this all……







Monday, December 31, 2018

For the New Year










Free falling through the ashes of time,
paths carved from the choices made and footsteps taken,
there is no way of returning there,
there is no going back,

salty water washes over my body
tasting every desire and regret that has touched my soul,
this is what has been,
this is who I am,


and even though oblivion feels like a feasible choice,
to venture into the dark night, a viable alternative,
I suspect I shan’t cross that line, ‘cause there is a light
trying to escape through the cracks made by your ceaseless attacks,
and it will free my soul, free the love, free the oppression of that which was,


Happy New Year
31.12.2018




Saturday, December 29, 2018

Goodbye








What’s done is done, what is, is,
there is nothing, nOthIng I can do to change it,
reverse it, do again, try again, touch again, feel again
because you are gone, forever gone.


This emptiness will stay a while,
the silent echo of your dying heartbeat haunting me,
the twisting, wringing pain your leaving has left behind,
and this powerlessness is crippling,
for you cannot be replaced,
nor will you ever be here again……

I said I was ready to let you go but that was not altogether true,
I wanted you to be new again and I could not do that,
and through it all you stayed by my side,
you came to me, greeted me with boundless joy,
you loved me too, neither was meant to lose the other.


I am angry, my earth-bound self condemning a cruel god,
I’m too human to believe in the unsubstantiated in the face of this loss,
I do not have enough faith in the unknown for it to offer comfort,
my faith lies with you, who you were, how you felt, what you did.


You are gone and it’s tearing me up inside,
time will change this, all things pass, the good and the bad,
and I cannot bear losing any more of you,
images I know will fade with each passing day,
so for now I will wallow in your memories,
and I will always follow you, look for you,
‘cause even through my anger there is a knowing
I will find you again, in another life, another dimension,
in another form or shape, but I will find you again, I will, I have to, I love you,
1.2008 - 27.12.2018.




Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Confessions of a Haunted Mind









There are parts of me so dark even I don’t wish to dwell there too long,
pieces of my life no-one will ever hear about unless you happen to have been there,
things I cannot acknowledge I was a part of, even instrumental in creating,
and there they remain, forevermore carved into my psyche, onto my bones.

What madness made them mine,
what sanity escaped me,
what reasoning allowed them in…

...…that’s the side of me that is disturbed and detached,
forms impulses that scare me, reactions too foreign to be my own.
This fearful darkness is a part of me I guard,
prevent it from being seen, from gaining a foothold in my reason,
and I’d rather bear the scars as it claws at me, fully knowing I am harming myself,
for as much as they hurt me, they can hurt you too.
                    




Sunday, December 9, 2018

Citations of an Unwritten Book #1






It was a rainy day, dawn hadn’t even broken when dusk settled in.  Her appointment was for 4, a call on her way postponed it to 5.30.  It was pointless to go back so she drove to the address she’d been given.  The parking lots was full, she turned into the side street and found a spot half a block down.  She turned off the engine, slid down in her seat, curling up, warming herself, the pelting rain a million drumsticks beating out a monotonous rhythm on the canvas roof, her lids grew heavy, she fell asleep….

……only to be jerked awake to a thunderous knocking on her window, ‘Ma’am, ma’am, are you alright? You’re not to be parking here alone so late at night, it be not safe?’  She blinked, sat upright, blinked again, this must be a dream, where the hell was she, what was the time, it’s dark out, and how did the buildings and streets turn into an ocean and the beach?



Friday, December 7, 2018

Broken, just broken








Please tell, please tell me
what it is you see
tell me what colours your dreams black

eyes cold, eyes cold cry
there's blood on your cheeks
tears that come from the depths of your soul

show me, show me where
did the sword cut you deep,
show me what has you struggling for air

please tell, please tell me
I stand helpless here
tell me who stabbed you in the back


Tuesday, November 20, 2018

The Lonely Guitar










Sitting alone in an empty house
a lonely guitar and smoky voice
takes my hand and leads me down forbidden paths,
shows me an album of memories
pulled out of yesterday into today,
it’s no dream, it’s a real as the goosebumps on my skin,
and it’s hot, your touch commanding,
I’m enslaved to this moment,
to these visions neither time nor distance can eradicate.