Saturday, April 3, 2021

There is no going back

 


 

My heart embraces everything you have sent reeling though me

and my soul sings a song the waking mind cannot comprehend,

which draws me back into myself, where I am silent, empty.

So I look for solace in the shadows of the night

where I can console my breaking self in the forest

that swallows the howls of the wolf streaking through the darkness,

whilst being fed by the light of the silver rays of the full moon,

awakening the wild, wild ways that come naturally and uninhibited,

even as I try to outrun your voice, your words

echoing from the distance, speaking to those parts of you

still alive in me, that keep pulling me back, that keep calling me.

Today I am strong, today I see your falsehoods, your devious ways

cloaked in gilded chains, the desolation of a future with you,

I hear the lies I tell myself to fill the longing, the emptiness,

that takes me to when you ruled, my world, my reason, me.

There is no going back, there is nothing to go back to,

limbo is a permanence, the once most uncomfortable space

now less so, no longer as threatening, no longer impossible.

I’m finding my way, slowly, day by day, this solitude a balm,

allow flow, through me and going along, not yesterday, not tomorrow,

only now, not an easy place to be, short-lived and already gone,

but so peaceful, so calm, so trouble-fee, so alive, so beautiful, so real,

and this is where I wish to be, to stay, always….

 


Tuesday, January 5, 2021

The New (ab)Normal

 




 

Every so often, when this new abnormal becomes unbearable,

I feel the urge to do something familiar, something known, something that used to provide pleasure,

and I head out with my husband or a friend into the mild, sunny day to have scones and tea in a country coffee shop.

 

I try to emulate past behaviours by revisiting old haunts and travelling familiar roads

yet the enjoyment evaporates with every mask I see walking along the road,

with every ‘no mask, no entry’ sign,

with the hesitance of strangers to even engage in conversation with someone they do not know,

 

the sun loses its warmth,

the air becomes thick and unbreathable when I see a child behind a mask,

and the scenic valley only evokes sadness when the comparison between the beauty around us and the evil committed against humanity becomes a stark reminder of the oppression imposed on us,

 

hope dissolves when I think of my 25-year old son who has his life ahead of him,

under what conditions????? under who’s rule????? to what end?????

 

The vaccination is a line I will not cross, I have lived, for that I’m grateful,

our children have not!

 

The unfairness of this all, this dehumanising of humankind,

the subjugation of having to wear a mask that must be endured,

the shutting down of societies ways, relinquishing human contact,

the removal of freedom of movement, freedom of thought, freedom of speech, every freedom you can think of!!!!

 

tears me up inside, because the tunnel is so, so very dark,

resistance is meagre, the fight ahead a vital one, one I hope will come,

 

because I would rather go out fighting than become a slave to a bunch of delusional egomaniacs,

who believe themselves elevated above the rest of humanity and governments,

who are themselves slaves to the $ and to power,

their minds tainted with insanity,

who feel they have the right to mould this plane to their specifications,

who believe themselves to be gods.

 

No, my sadness is inherent, as is my fighting spirit,

and I pray for courage for the day which will surely come

when I will stand face to face with evil,

 

may I be bold enough to speak my truth,

brave enough to stand by my belief

and strong enough to do what is necessary.