Surrender

I relinquish myself to you,

I have tried and failed

to counter you, sway you, control you, conquer you,

and although the thread of rebellion

lies tied heavy around my throat,

when instinct and reason wage a war

it’s the bearer who suffers defeat.

Disillusion

 It reaches hard and deep, a searing hot flame without an end, burning every fibre that is me,

striking again and again, a fierce determination hell-bent on a fiery destruction of all-consuming proportions not even the coldest, darkest oceans could quell, this longing to escape from this plane.

I am tired, tired of life, of the falsehoods, untruths, dishonour, despair, loss, dishonesty, cruelty, degradation, subjugation, futility, hopelessness, dire need, callous betrayal, faithlessness. I no longer wish to recite my lines, follow the directions given, read the script as if it were my choosing. I no longer wish to see the steady decline from beauty into disrepair, from flourishing to withering away, from growth and happiness to stagnation and addiction.

I feel the shifting of sanity, subtle bypassed to unashamedly evident, that the world is a stage and we are the players, slaves who pretend nothing is wrong, who anaesthetise our senses and our sight to the dissolution of society, of ourselves, of everything that’s right, there’s no respect in a dying man begging for his daily piece of poison.

What is the purpose behind this thing called Life

From where hails this hopelessness,

this purposelessness that’s surrounds me,

the futility fettered to every action, plan and deed?

There has to be something more than merely passing through each beautiful day,

embracing every luxury and beauty available in this sanctuary we have created,

enjoying the privileges and abundance with which we’ve been graced,

in accordance to a belief sculpted by time.

A belief favouring the instinctive, the things which move something inside, the goodness that is to be found in each moment, and many such moments freely and spontaneously present themselves in your every wakened hours,

and I heed these things, I note all the gifts before me, I stop, look deeply, breathe in the variety of scents in the air, feel the tickle of the wind in my hair, the heat of the sun on my skin, the soulful eyes of the creatures in my care, the love of a fellow human being,

yet I cannot shake the gloom disturbing my rhythm, causing me to stumble over level ground,

wielding old dissatisfactions which my belief no longer supports, ties my tongue when words should flow easily, plays tricks with the shadows presenting threats that don’t exist, facts quite clearly fake, and images aimed at incinerate my sanity…

from whence does this darkness stem,

what’s the purpose behind this eternal night,

could someone tell me please the reason behind this all……