What’s done is done, what is, is,
there is nothing, nOthIng I can do to change it,
reverse it, do again, try again, touch again, feel again
because you are gone, forever gone.
This emptiness will stay a while,
the silent echo of your dying heartbeat haunting me,
the twisting, wringing pain your leaving has left behind,
and this powerlessness is crippling,
for you cannot be replaced,
nor will you ever be here again……
I said I was ready to let you go but that was not altogether true,
I wanted you to be new again and I could not do that,
and through it all you stayed by my side,
you came to me, greeted me with boundless joy,
you loved me too, neither was meant to lose the other.
I am angry, my earth-bound self condemning a cruel god,
I’m too human to believe in the unsubstantiated in the face of this loss,
I do not have enough faith in the unknown for it to offer comfort,
my faith lies with you, who you were, how you felt, what you did.
You are gone and it’s tearing me up inside,
time will change this, all things pass, the good and the bad,
and I cannot bear losing any more of you,
images I know will fade with each passing day,
so for now I will wallow in your memories,
and I will always follow you, look for you,
‘cause even through my anger there is a knowing
I will find you again, in another life, another dimension,
in another form or shape, but I will find you again, I will, I have to, I love you,
1.2008 - 27.12.2018.