The 9th of the 9th

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     Death,
the feeling weightless laughter imparts,
awakening a hunger from a long time ago,
only to be taken, yanked away and trapped
in an abandoned landscape, in a constant storm.

      North, the yellowing pages of history,
neglected fields of wheat feeding hazy skies
a permanent false dusk with its aging light.
Here the air has no substance, no depth,
it is hot, flat, heavy, without an echo,
muting sounds and stealing the colour,
it has nothing left to give, now it takes.

      South… in the south I walked in a wilderness
wet with green forests, moss and waterfalls.
Rolling waves washed through my emotions,
salty air met salty tears gathering in my eyes,
the sweet blue air restored life to my dying soul,
filling it with desire, promise, love, music, dance.
And birth.

      Spend a day with me, feel what I feel in this paradise,
tell me if you can feel it too.  Does it rouse your emotions,
make you want to lay down the reigns, cease judgement,
just be and let be, taking delight in absurdity, in frivolity,
not a thought to what may be said and seen.

     If you see what I see, you will know what is killing me,
if you don’t, I shall gently retreat.

A Saturday afternoon in the Park

could we maybe meet up at the park,

sit side-by-side on the grass with our backs against a tree,

I’d like to tell you things.

I’d like to tell you about the torment in my spirit begotten by the daily grind,

living a lie, it’s a sham, these ‘busy’ hours we’re enslaved to so willingly,

how I shudder for those feeding the escalated importance ascribed by masters

playing a disturbing game of chess with your life and mine.

I’d like to tell you about a darkness in me into which I delve,

I don’t fear it anymore, nor can it do me harm,

here I feel the hell through which you have walked,

where I’ve crucified myself into addiction,

where I found the answers to both truths and lies,

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it’s daylight that singes my senses

and disturbs my rationale with its clamour and glare,

let me feel the strength of your presence,

reassure me of your beating heart,

comfort me in the sinking silence,

fade away from all passers-by,

could we sit here until the darkened hours

blot out the assiduous motions of the day,

shadows meeting the simplicity of night,

be together in the deepest, most natural, way,

could we?

...blown-in by the breeze

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     I miss you with an indescribable intensity,
those early days of spring from a few years gone past,
how our limbs responded to a lure we couldn't withstand,
how we were drawn into nights warm with teasing laughter, dancing,
until we touched the edge and immersed ourselves in the other.
     We sidestepped the rulebook to extract forbidden pleasures,
drank, to relieve a thirst which only grew, it did not wane,
sailing through summer nights on pine- and moonlit breezes,
we were revellers in the fount of unimagined satisfaction
only spirits alike could ever hope to attain.

I don't need Happy

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There is madness in my veins

pumping with a restlessness,

driving frenzied movements,

frantic notions, impulsive deeds.

It speeds through thoughts collected,

scattering focus to the wind

holding my footsteps as they fade,

not for long, in one single place.

Please, you must stop, I need to breathe,

I need to find rest from your driving need to….. what?

You’re carving away at my soul, wearing down my feet,

release my burning muscles,

still my heart, it pounds,

allow me to trust what I believe,

I don’t need happy, I just need peace.

Scars of Love

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Here is a tale from the heart that is mine

all I have said and I’ve felt inside

big is the touch you have left on me

I am marked by you, it was you set me free

...we collided with a thunder in a dark deserted street

through storms that raged in skies and under feet

our wish, our desire, our ruin, our defeat

a story that’s written, preordained we'd meet

we fought and battled, satisfied our love

followed senses, while sense, mmm, not so much

we have scars

from the claws

of our love

now it’s time

I can start

no matter how

getting over you

for as long

as I find

myself

again

for as long as I find myself again©

A Pledge

A pledge is a pledge,
requires reverence upon acceptance,
kept and honoured as it is, for the rest of time,
never to be revealed nor renounced,
a binding promise to silence,
even with the shifting hours
as they change and mould who we are.
 

  

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The Cracks of Time

 

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Crack upon crack,

gathered by passing time,

crack upon crack,

marks of my placement

in this world,

crack upon crack,

inflicted on me, or by myself,

some by choice whilst some had to be,

crack, crack, crack,

the maze of a fractured self,

re-connected by the grace

of heavenly spirits late, late at night.

You may find fissures, you can see the cracks,

but I do stand before you, broken, I'm certainly not.

I know I'm an addict

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I know I’m an addict.

Know too, I know

there’s no substance capable of stilling

the restlessness alive inside me,

of silencing the voices,

always, always calling,

of relieving the tension in the spring

within my muscles and my nerves,

of freeing my physical body

the way only my mind can set me free.

Which? ......that's my choice to make.