The Rules

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I wish God had sat me down, and explained to me The Rules.

Of the babe I would be, raised by parents I couldn’t choose, a different path for everyone, in a locale which I have no say over.

To then choose a direction I wish to take, with the scars and childhood bruises that have formed my way of thought.

And no matter how hard I try to direct my environment and circumstances, life has a way of doing things its own way, and I’m nothing but a pawn.

That I would search for answers and explanations of the trite and the deeply meaningful, gain knowledge and insight and hopefully grow to be a fair, considerate and consequential human being, able to care for and guide those who He has chosen to place into my care.

To be left with the dark question of my own mortality, with only faith and belief for the hereon ever after. There is no proof of where I’m going, that what I’m doing even matters, and I am caught up in this Game, with no way out but the way The Rules of Life dictate.

If God had sat me down, and explained to me The Rules, would I have opted to play The Game?  I honestly don’t know…

Ring, Ring, Telephone Ring

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It’s the ring of the telephone,

hollow, foreboding in a nuance

the rising hairs on the back of your neck

freeze time in the most unpleasant way.

To hear the hellish message

a distorted line twists in your gut,

as the darkness reaches right into you,

through your skin, right into your heart.

The Rolling Waves

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Torn in two, the moon shines down on me

in its eternal impasse between the darkness and the light,

reaching, clamouring, to reach the other side that waxed

oblivion into their hearts, and the waves just kept on rolling...

My Footprints in the Sand

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The beach is deserted, it’s a cold wet midweek morning.

The cliffs dissolve behind a silver cloak of lonely tears.

Seagulls drift on currents in a blue grey sky that’s falling

towards crashing waves that swell with the depths of our despair.

I don’t emit a presence, emptiness displaces conscious thought,

and the waves keep coming closer, with foaming arms, they reach for me,

for I am this landscape, the wild cold wind, the storm,

and I assail this shore with the singular purpose,

to erode my existence of the impermanent impact

of my footprints in the sand.

The Collapse of Reason

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Eyes ice-cold bore into black holes as you spew a mound of drivel contrived

in a mind twisted by the reality of your chemical dreams,

to become a torrent of abuse, snuffed of every semblance of judgement

you ever may have had, as you lay blame onto fate, on the “cruel, cruel world”,

and you appeal to a misplaced alliance that once existed, so you can take me down

into your own netherworld, since you don’t want to go alone.

There is no romance in self-destruction, no loyalty amongst thieves,

thus I reject every inference of association we once had

as our ties were severed the day you chose to lose your soul

and I chose to find mine.  You cannot now bind yourself to me.

But as intensely as I believe all that I have written, there is no conscious thought

between sanity and the collapse of reason. Because a hand I can’t feel

picks up the bag to walk into a graffiti-coloured hell, but my mind can’t comprehend,

it’s already gone.

The Well of Guarded Impulses

  

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With the veil of darkness she shrugs off the written words

racing across her naked skin,

primed she stretches, an inscrutable smile on her lips,

she accepts, chooses to take the road that leads back to you,

a pronouncement more appealing than the need to breathe each breath, in, out.

With a wail of release, the unsaid leapt from the well

of carefully guarded impulses,

echoing through every dream that colours the night sky black,

she sinks into the perfect pleasure exposed by the double-sided knife,

that severs her existence in unison with the dawn.

Here In The Forest Dark And Deep

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“Mercy, have mercy! My soul is tearing through the wilderness
and howling with the wolf who is my constant shadow.
Whom I track with unbridled vigour for I can feel his scrutiny
focussed on the object he knows will bow down, acquiesce to his bidding,
who with his scent will feel my smile of lust on his skin.
He is pushing me to the boundary, he is drawing me to the edge…”

His eyes flash an implicit pledge, as he watches her from the edge of the trees
that marks the division of our sins.
 

Friday Nights

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Vibrations increase in intensity,

a hum that’s getting deeper and more persistent,

building a steady crescendo towards broken expectations.

The records stops at 3.32 am

when the dead of night roars at its loudest.

A solitary figure on the sidewalk with green hazy eyes

walks one slow step at a time, looking for a silence that’s a foreign concept

to her shady mind, ever restless.

Of Jellyfish and Wishes

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This here is for you.

And for you, and for you, and for yOU!

To time, the fleeting ever-lasting passage we move through

in an environment upon which we pretend to exert our control.

This is to the touches I have felt when the road was too dark

and I needed your hand to guide me through the labyrinth,

the soaring moments frozen in my mind for me to yearn for

when the glint of the sun yanks me right back into your arms.

This is to the tears I enthused, and the tears I shed alone,

to growing (not uP) through jellyfish, quicksand and elation,

not always induced by the pure breath we breathe outside.

This is etched onto my skin, written on the pages of which are left a few,

as I am drawn into the green mist which the waves prevail upon,

into the dream turned to reality, in the way deemed right by the universe.

In the Palm of my Hand

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It is gnawing at my senses,

there's a tremble in my hands,

awareness has been honed to a finely sharpened edge.

It’s the wind that’s blowing dresses,

my eyes cry from burning sand,

this, a gale that leaves me breathless on a narrow slipp’ry ledge.

Is there meaning to the meaningless,

what’s the use of knowing more,

pictures change with each location, while the answers stay unclear.

Through this maze I’m now delirious,

all my instincts in furore,

why I need to escape this reality, from frustration most severe.

I will ride with these cresting waves

through the wind of discontent that’s howling

to a song of sadness that’s immersed itself, in my sorrow, in my bones.

To my wishes I'm a slave,

bound to everything, bound by nothing,

severing every preconception, rewrite that which is written in stone.

In the Great Divide

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This morning I hovered briefly betwixt darkness’ and light’s brief divide

with the magic of my dream world still dancing across my skin,

and the angels weaving their magic in my naked mind.

So I touched on them with remembrances

of a freedom the waking world frowns upon,

the gratifying rituals which you from me demand,

and I linger in this abyss of suspended animation,

for a time I am not of this earth.

In the Full Moon is a Darkness

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How I wish for the icy silence of the full moon

to take me in its arms and render me numb and cold,

that it will blunt my vision and fade into my heart,

and maybe then I will find peace from your presence,

because this is all there is, for the rest of our tomorrows,

this is all that will ever be, and it smothers me

to know, to remember, to have had.

I Lay Me Down To Sleep

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It is the sandman who cavorts with glee

when he has captured every breathing soul

in his web of fears and guilt,

and whilst he teases you with promises

of escape into oblivion,

he is torturing your psyche

in its most vulnerable state of sub-consciousness,

that you may be stabbed in the daylight hours

with his exact spear of remembrance,

to re-live it in the light of accusation and judgment.

Are We Not aLL Addicts?

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It’s awake before your eyes open,

creeping with stealth through the corridors of your mind,

touching the desires your waking time suppresses,

to punish you with the affliction

of an unrequited hunger

that keeps you running in the fog

to the escape of your choice.

Are we not all addicts?

A Road Without a Name

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Breathe…..

……slower……

……deeper……

capture the power with the sting of blood on your tongue,

close your eyes;

slide through the warmth as the sweetness takes you

to the deep dark recesses of your mind,

there, where it is still

where there’s no time,

where you shape the satisfaction for every cell of every sense,

and shiver with the tremors as they surface to your skin

to shatter your reality into another sphere,

......under the watchful eyes of the ever-present,

waiting to take you into their arms, forever.