Now

 

Memories simmer just beneath her face,

seemingly close but they leave before they lace,

eluding her when she gives chase,

the more she grasps the looser their embrace,

consciousness kills all the light and the spark

fades into blackness so deep and oh, so dark,

it’s ending,

live in the light, in the dream that you share,

hopelessly wild, where you’re free, free without care,

it’s ending,

when is the time and where is the place,

there where we’ll stand, when we fully can embrace,

new in this rhythm and new is the sheet,

new are the places and people you'll meet

leave out the yesterdays, leave out the past,

now is all there is to have, all that ever will last.

 

Let it be...

 

The clouds are marshmallow white and in the far, far distance,

a sharp, dark blue line marks the divide between water and air,

the air crystalline in clarity, open as far as your dreams can see,

lush green palms and pines stand majestically tall,

yesterdays rain flowing from deep roots solidly anchored,

through their bark, fronds, needles, reaching into the sky,

emitting their knowing to anyone listening

whilst they sit under their canopy, back against the trunk,

close their eyes and breathe in deeply, the breath of the forest,

let their minds travel to destinations they didn’t know to be alive within them,

become still, perfectly, comfortably still, let the future you see before you, unfold…

 

Create your dream

 

The veneer is wearing off,

false bravado is unravelling,

the effect of this lie is taking its toll.

It’s in the lacklustre eyes,

the downcast heads in the streets,

the silent, oh so silent Friday nights.

 

Close friends have lost loved ones,

to ventilators and heart attacks,

suicides and overdoses,

I now know the owner of the business

that was forced to close,

the folks down the road who’ve lost their home.

 

The world is crying,

I hear the desperate prayers

late into these darkest of nights,

my soul is crying out

to the heavens,

‘Make this stop,

this sadness is too deep,

too intense, too much to endure.’

 

I ask, ‘Give me the tolerance,

the understanding, the love,

the kindness, the faith,

to lift myself into stillness

to find my tribe, so we may share

the peace and joy

in the creation

of our dreams.’

 

There is no going back

 

 

My heart embraces everything you have sent reeling though me

and my soul sings a song the waking mind cannot comprehend,

which draws me back into myself, where I am silent, empty.

So I look for solace in the shadows of the night

where I can console my breaking self in the forest

that swallows the howls of the wolf streaking through the darkness,

whilst being fed by the light of the silver rays of the full moon,

awakening the wild, wild ways that come naturally and uninhibited,

even as I try to outrun your voice, your words

echoing from the distance, speaking to those parts of you

still alive in me, that keep pulling me back, that keep calling me.

Today I am strong, today I see your falsehoods, your devious ways

cloaked in gilded chains, the desolation of a future with you,

I hear the lies I tell myself to fill the longing, the emptiness,

that takes me to when you ruled, my world, my reason, me.

There is no going back, there is nothing to go back to,

limbo is a permanence, the once most uncomfortable space

now less so, no longer as threatening, no longer impossible.

I’m finding my way, slowly, day by day, this solitude a balm,

allow flow, through me and going along, not yesterday, not tomorrow,

only now, not an easy place to be, short-lived and already gone,

but so peaceful, so calm, so trouble-fee, so alive, so beautiful, so real,

and this is where I wish to be, to stay, always….

 

The New (ab)Normal

 

 

Every so often, when this new abnormal becomes unbearable,

I feel the urge to do something familiar, something known, something that used to provide pleasure,

and I head out with my husband or a friend into the mild, sunny day to have scones and tea in a country coffee shop.

 

I try to emulate past behaviours by revisiting old haunts and travelling familiar roads

yet the enjoyment evaporates with every mask I see walking along the road,

with every ‘no mask, no entry’ sign,

with the hesitance of strangers to even engage in conversation with someone they do not know,

 

the sun loses its warmth,

the air becomes thick and unbreathable when I see a child behind a mask,

and the scenic valley only evokes sadness when the comparison between the beauty around us and the evil committed against humanity becomes a stark reminder of the oppression imposed on us,

 

hope dissolves when I think of my 25-year old son who has his life ahead of him,

under what conditions????? under who’s rule????? to what end?????

 

The vaccination is a line I will not cross, I have lived, for that I’m grateful,

our children have not!

 

The unfairness of this all, this dehumanising of humankind,

the subjugation of having to wear a mask that must be endured,

the shutting down of societies ways, relinquishing human contact,

the removal of freedom of movement, freedom of thought, freedom of speech, every freedom you can think of!!!!

 

tears me up inside, because the tunnel is so, so very dark,

resistance is meagre, the fight ahead a vital one, one I hope will come,

 

because I would rather go out fighting than become a slave to a bunch of delusional egomaniacs,

who believe themselves elevated above the rest of humanity and governments,

who are themselves slaves to the $ and to power,

their minds tainted with insanity,

who feel they have the right to mould this plane to their specifications,

who believe themselves to be gods.

 

No, my sadness is inherent, as is my fighting spirit,

and I pray for courage for the day which will surely come

when I will stand face to face with evil,

 

may I be bold enough to speak my truth,

brave enough to stand by my belief

and strong enough to do what is necessary.

 

31 December 2020

 

 The last day of the year and my heart is filled with sadness,

sadness for the madness prevailing on this plane,

sadness for the masses knowingly or unknowingly deceived,

sadness for the anger directed at the wrong people,

sadness for the lack of empathy that exists,

sadness for the callous nature in which humanity is being persecuted,

sadness for those living unnecessarily in fear,

sadness for those who have no hope,

sadness for those who don’t see a future,

sadness for the misdirected,

sadness for the broken,

sadness for the lost,

sadness for a time gone by, never to return,

sadness for the loss of freedom,

sadness for the loss of joy,

sadness for the anger trapped in so, so many people,

sadness for the lonely,

sadness for the isolated,

sadness for memories that feel like a fairy tale,

sadness for the youth who have to live this out,

sadness for the elderly whose entire reality has been removed,

sadness for the loss of love,

everywhere….

 

…and I pray the love and joy still alive

will overtake and consume all the evil, the darkness, the threats, the deception,

and may the devil take his own and depart from my reality, and this plane, forever.

 

 

Holding On

 

 

There is this knowing, an awareness almost inherent,

a feeling of, it has always been, maybe silent, but never away,

wrecking havoc on me, yanking me this way then that,

feelings my body has not forgotten, images alive in my mind,

I can taste the fresh air, I can taste the freedom,

it was never meant to be another way, this is contrary,

I’m holding on, we have always been, holding on is what we do well.

 

Worlds beyond our World

 

 Nights are still the most peaceful place to dwell in,

the silence of a soft rustling in the hedge, a hooting owl, in the far-off distance a barking dog,

the darkness of the brightly sparkling stars, dimming as night by night the moon is growing,

the perfection of lack of sight opening your vision to worlds beyond ours,

to dreams in magnificent colour and detail you can taste them, smell them,

you want them so badly, a slight tilt would topple you into the unknown and steal your soul forever

and all you’d leave behind were the footprints on the paths you walked

and the tears shed by those who were true to you, shared your life, loved you,

yes, I would not hesitate to fall into that unknown, the façade of this world has crumbled

and I can bear no more the degradation, destruction, dissolution, maliciousness and greed

that rules this plane, and what I see to be possible, underscores the depth of your deception,

and is also the starting point of your demise.